24 09, 2017

What I Mean When I Say I’m Scared of Mental Illness Recovery

By | 2017-09-24T05:43:57+00:00 September, 24, 2017|Mental Health|0 Comments

“Recovery is terrifying when you don’t know who you are without your sadness.” My bipolar 2 disorder, anxiety and eating disorder control my life most days. They lie to me, make decisions for me and make me feel the way they want me to. I try to change that. I want to change that. Don’t I? Some days, I don’t know anymore. Because the truth is: I’m absolutely terrified of mental illness recovery. I don’t want to feel this roller coaster of emotions anymore. I don’t want to spend two hours getting out of bed just to feel like there’s [...]

14 09, 2017

What I Want You to Remember During National Suicide Prevention Week

By | 2017-09-16T08:25:55+00:00 September, 14, 2017|Mental Health|0 Comments

I’ve been there – locked up in my room, sitting up against the wall, cradling my head in my hands as the tears continue to flow. Bright red face, runny nose, shaking hands and a headache that just won’t quit. I hear a voice so similar to my own telling me to end my life. And so I fight a war inside my head. Should I just give up? Or do I continue to fight? September 10-16, 2017, is National Suicide Prevention Week in the United States. While I’ve always used this week to speak up and share my story, [...]

10 09, 2017

Stay: World Suicide Prevention Day 2017

By | 2017-09-10T11:12:25+00:00 September, 10, 2017|Mental Health|0 Comments

Today – September 10th – marks World Suicide Prevention Day. For most people, it’s just another day. But to me, it’s a reminder of where I’ve been, where I am and where I still have left to go. It’s a reminder of the days I tried to end my life but lived. A reminder of the days I wanted to end my life but chose to stay. And so it seems fitting that To Write Love on Her Arms’ 2017 World Suicide Prevention Day campaign is Stay. Find what you were made for. Statistics About Suicide Last year, suicide rates [...]

5 08, 2017

How My Boss Helped Me Through the Worst Days of My Depression

By | 2017-08-05T09:45:19+00:00 August, 5, 2017|Mental Health|0 Comments

On February 13, 2017, I started a new job at a fully remote marketing agency. It was a job that allowed me to do the type of work I was passionate about – like copywriting, project management and marketing strategy – and it was the job I’d been hoping for since I lost my dream job at another agency eight months prior. When I got the job offer, I’d been out of work for four months. My savings account was almost drained, I was in a deep depression and I felt like a useless, worthless human being because I couldn’t [...]

1 08, 2017

Colossus at Savage Race Chicago and My Mental Health Journey

By | 2017-07-31T22:01:33+00:00 August, 1, 2017|Fitness, Mental Health|0 Comments

The hardest thing I’ve ever done was admitting I wasn’t okay and the emotional pain I was feeling wasn’t normal. It was calling a psychiatrist and asking for help. It was showing up to my first appointment, taking my medications and continuing to take my medications when the side effects felt like too much to bear. It was being strong when I was tired at hell. It was reaching out to people I trusted and being honest with them about how I felt on any given day. It was crying my eyes out, opening myself up and letting them see [...]

22 07, 2017

Chester Bennington’s Death Shattered My Recovery Mantra – But It’s Okay

By | 2017-07-22T00:13:30+00:00 July, 22, 2017|Life, Mental Health|0 Comments

  When I was first diagnosed with depression (now diagnosed as bipolar 2 disorder) and anxiety, I had absolutely no idea what to make of it. I knew I was sad all the time and had absolutely no desire to live, but I didn’t fully understand what it meant in terms or treatment or for the remainder of my teenage years. I turned to music as a way to cope with the overwhelming sadness and hopelessness. I listened to music every chance I got – on the bus, in class when teachers didn’t care, after school and in my room [...]

7 07, 2017

10 Things You Should Never Say to Someone With Depression

By | 2017-07-06T22:46:14+00:00 July, 7, 2017|Mental Health|0 Comments

Depression is not an easy thing to live with. It can be immobilizing, messy, lonely, unbearable and exhausting. Not to mention, it’s a rollercoaster of emotions. One minute, I feel fine, like I may actually make it through the day. But the next, I’m crying and completely falling apart. And as if struggling with depression isn’t hard enough, I’m constantly dealing with comments from people who don’t understand what it’s like to have a mental illness. Granted, it can be difficult to know what to say to someone with depression – especially when you’re caught up in the moment of [...]

23 06, 2017

Why I Choose to Be Open About My Mental Illness at Work

By | 2017-06-22T22:15:30+00:00 June, 23, 2017|Mental Health, Work|0 Comments

I’m just going to jump right in and say it. I struggle with a mental illness and an eating disorder – more specifically, depression, anxiety, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS) and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. I’ve also struggled with self-injury and suicidal thoughts. For the first four or five years after being diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I spent a lot of time hiding my mental illness as best I could. I tried to remain upbeat and positive, wore long-sleeved shirts to cover cuts and scars, and always insisted nothing was wrong. Looking back, I think a lot of people [...]

18 06, 2017

What I Tell Myself on My Darkest Days With Depression

By | 2017-06-17T21:31:00+00:00 June, 18, 2017|Mental Health|0 Comments

I’m at the point in my current battle with depression where I’m tired. Tired of not sleeping. Tired of feeling awful every single day. Tired of feeling like I have to be strong all the time. Tired of fighting so damn hard to do the things that are so easy for everyone else. I’m going through some of the darkest days I’ve ever experienced. And it’s wearing me down. I don’t know how much fight I have left in me. I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past. After I attempted suicide when I was 17, I always said I [...]

2 06, 2017

How Exercise Helps Me Cope With Depression and Anxiety

By | 2017-06-07T22:13:43+00:00 June, 2, 2017|Fitness, Mental Health|0 Comments

I’ve been going through a rough patch lately, and I’m experiencing one of the worst waves of depression I’ve had in a long time. I didn’t even realize it was depression at first because it wasn’t the “struggling to get out of bed” sadness I’m used to feeling. Instead, I was happy, bubbly and confident during work – always laughing and joking with my boss during our morning calls and being my usual sassy self in group chats. But I was struggling to focus on my work, there was this pit in my stomach that just wouldn’t go away and [...]